Full Version: Best man speech
Its my friends wedding next saturday and I am the best man, I have just finished my speech and I was just wondering if people can check it out for me and tell me what you think.
I think you'll have everyone in stitches. 
In my opinion its a good blend of comedy and (in there somewhere) seriousness. Also, the length is pretty good; just enough to keep up the humour without anyone getting bored.
Good stuff
In my opinion its a good blend of comedy and (in there somewhere) seriousness. Also, the length is pretty good; just enough to keep up the humour without anyone getting bored.
Good stuff
Really good, Stephen. Best of luck! 
Edit: But number 2, of the words of advice for Paul, I didn't quite understand.
Another edit: I think it's due to "too" being in place of "to".
Edit: But number 2, of the words of advice for Paul, I didn't quite understand.
Another edit: I think it's due to "too" being in place of "to".
QUOTE(Aka Tolken @ Aug 29 2005, 12:44 AM) 
Edit: But number 2, of the words of advice for Paul, I didn't quite understand.
Women have an incredible nack of remembering when and where you did anything wrong and what you did to attempt to apologise for it.
Stephen: The speech is excellent.
That is an excellent speech, I am sure it will go over very well. 
QUOTE(Dan C @ Aug 29 2005, 12:53 AM)
Women have an incredible nack of remembering when and where you did anything wrong and what you did to attempt to apologise for it.
Tell me about it 
QUOTE
Don't forget, if you buy her flowers she knows you're guilty, and she will remember, too the second the last time you bought her some AND the reason why.
I think Aka Tolken was referring to the above passage - it is very confusing to read and if you're going to be reading directly off that I'd probably reword it to:
Don't forget, if you buy her flowers she knows you're guilty AND she will remember the exact time you last bought her some AND the reason why.
But I laughed when I was reading it. Great speech
Thats excellent.
QUOTE(THR @ Aug 29 2005, 01:40 AM)
I think Aka Tolken was referring to the above passage - it is very confusing to read and if you're going to be reading directly off that I'd probably reword it to:
Don't forget, if you buy her flowers she knows you're guilty AND she will remember the exact time you last bought her some AND the reason why.
But I laughed when I was reading it. Great speech
Don't forget, if you buy her flowers she knows you're guilty AND she will remember the exact time you last bought her some AND the reason why.
But I laughed when I was reading it. Great speech
That's it. Makes sense now.
Woah, when did the smiley box get its own scrollbar?
Great speech, they'll love it
It's very funny. It's hard to offer recommendations without knowing about the guy and your relationship with him. Are you being sarcastic because he'll like that and take it well, or are you doing it because that's "the thing to do" with these speeches? To be honest though, you won't go far wrong. Good luck.
It's hard to offer recommendations without knowing about the guy and your relationship with him. Are you being sarcastic because he'll like that and take it well, or are you doing it because that's "the thing to do" with these speeches? To be honest though, you won't go far wrong. Good luck.
Thanks guys I don't feel quite so nervous now
Good job, and please have one on us...
Nice speech!
Want to be my best man?
Want to be my best man?
Let gets onto the truly important thing: how many strippers have you ordered for the stag night?
Good work, you should consider speech writing as a career. One might not think so, but they get paid well. And if you didn't think they existed, here is some proof: is Bush really capable of writing an entire speech?
QUOTE(.Michael @ Aug 29 2005, 06:53 PM)
And if you didn't think they existed, here is some proof: is Bush really capable of writing an entire speech?
Haha
That's fabulous Stephen -- funny yet does the job extremely well.
It all shows up as squares to me in Safari. Can someone paste the text here?
Its a PDF, you do have acrobat installed don't you?
QUOTE
Best man speech
Before I get started can everyone hear me? What about at the back there/by the bar? Mine's a Stella.
Good morning/afternoon Ladies, Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. For those of you who don't know me I am Stephen and I have been given the honour of being Paul's best man.
I happened to hear that there was a pool going for how long my speech was going to be, and as I was the only one who bought in at 60 minutes I suggest you all sit back, relax and enjoy yourselves.
I think you'll all agree that at the ceremony the bride looked absolutely stunning.
(Wait for applause)
The groom on the other hand just looked stunned.
At this point I would like to ask the Di and Paul to do something for me. Di would you please place your left/right hand on the table. Paul will you place your left/right hand on top of Di's. I would like you to both keep your hands in that position until the end of my speech.
Paul is looking a bit nervous so let me just put his mind at ease by saying
I won't be mentioning the Christmas he gave himself alcohol poisoning
nor the time he threw a whole tin of paint over one of his fellow cadets
and I will definitely not be mentioning the time he spent the night in the cells for gross indecency
When Paul asked me to be the Best man I wasn't really sure what my responsibilities were supposed to be. So I did some research and found out that my main duties for today were
To ensure that the groom arrives on time
To make sure he is sober and
To make sure he is looking good
(Look at Paul and look back) Well 2 out of 3 isn't bad, after all I'm the best man not a plastic surgeon.
Well what can I tell you about the groom? I've known him for about 8 years, and in that time I've come to realise that he's
Handsome
Witty
Intelligent
Charismatic..
Oh, sorry wrong wedding.
As I am not very good at telling stories, and because there are some children here & I couldn't think of any which were very appropriate I decided to give the couple some words of advice.
Paul,
Firstly, set ground rules and establish who's boss - then do everything she says.
Don't forget, if you buy her flowers she knows you're guilty, and she will remember, to the second the last time you bought her some AND the reason why.
In order to remember your anniversary forget it, just once. You'll never forget it again.
Remember the 5 rings of marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering, the torturing and the enduring.
Lastly, there are 3 simple words you must never forget "You're right dear".
Di, the 5 tips for a successful marriage
A man who will treat you right and always stand by you.
A man who will shower you with gift and compliments.
A man who will comfort you in times of trouble.
A man who will please you and grant your every request.
and most importantly
Ensure that each man does not know the other ones names.
But seriously, Paul you're a lucky man! You married Di, she's a beautiful, smart, funny, loving and caring woman. She really deserves a great husband, thank god she married you before she found one.
I now have a few messages to read out for those who couldn't attend and those who weren't even invited.
Dear Di, Don't forget us now you're married, please renew your membership next year. Lots of love, all the boys at the Spice club.
{READ OUT REAL CARD FROM CHRIS}
Dear Paul, You left your thong behind, we'll look after it for you. Lots of love, all the boys at the Spice club.
My final task as best man is to realise when enough is enough, it has been an honour and a privilege to be the best man today. Thanks again for giving me the job, I honestly couldn't wish for a better friend to be best man for.
I'm sure you are all wondering why I asked Paul to place his hand on top of Di's, well I will tell you now. Paul, I hope you remember these last 5 minutes, because they are the last five minutes you will ever have the upper hand again!
On behalf of the bride and groom I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their special day, particularly those of your who have travelled a long distance.
It gives me immense pleasure (not to mention relief) to ask you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Paul and Di.
To the happiness, health and good fortune of the happy couple; To the bride and groom.
Before I get started can everyone hear me? What about at the back there/by the bar? Mine's a Stella.
Good morning/afternoon Ladies, Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. For those of you who don't know me I am Stephen and I have been given the honour of being Paul's best man.
I happened to hear that there was a pool going for how long my speech was going to be, and as I was the only one who bought in at 60 minutes I suggest you all sit back, relax and enjoy yourselves.
I think you'll all agree that at the ceremony the bride looked absolutely stunning.
(Wait for applause)
The groom on the other hand just looked stunned.
At this point I would like to ask the Di and Paul to do something for me. Di would you please place your left/right hand on the table. Paul will you place your left/right hand on top of Di's. I would like you to both keep your hands in that position until the end of my speech.
Paul is looking a bit nervous so let me just put his mind at ease by saying
I won't be mentioning the Christmas he gave himself alcohol poisoning
nor the time he threw a whole tin of paint over one of his fellow cadets
and I will definitely not be mentioning the time he spent the night in the cells for gross indecency
When Paul asked me to be the Best man I wasn't really sure what my responsibilities were supposed to be. So I did some research and found out that my main duties for today were
To ensure that the groom arrives on time
To make sure he is sober and
To make sure he is looking good
(Look at Paul and look back) Well 2 out of 3 isn't bad, after all I'm the best man not a plastic surgeon.
Well what can I tell you about the groom? I've known him for about 8 years, and in that time I've come to realise that he's
Handsome
Witty
Intelligent
Charismatic..
Oh, sorry wrong wedding.
As I am not very good at telling stories, and because there are some children here & I couldn't think of any which were very appropriate I decided to give the couple some words of advice.
Paul,
Firstly, set ground rules and establish who's boss - then do everything she says.
Don't forget, if you buy her flowers she knows you're guilty, and she will remember, to the second the last time you bought her some AND the reason why.
In order to remember your anniversary forget it, just once. You'll never forget it again.
Remember the 5 rings of marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering, the torturing and the enduring.
Lastly, there are 3 simple words you must never forget "You're right dear".
Di, the 5 tips for a successful marriage
A man who will treat you right and always stand by you.
A man who will shower you with gift and compliments.
A man who will comfort you in times of trouble.
A man who will please you and grant your every request.
and most importantly
Ensure that each man does not know the other ones names.
But seriously, Paul you're a lucky man! You married Di, she's a beautiful, smart, funny, loving and caring woman. She really deserves a great husband, thank god she married you before she found one.
I now have a few messages to read out for those who couldn't attend and those who weren't even invited.
Dear Di, Don't forget us now you're married, please renew your membership next year. Lots of love, all the boys at the Spice club.
{READ OUT REAL CARD FROM CHRIS}
Dear Paul, You left your thong behind, we'll look after it for you. Lots of love, all the boys at the Spice club.
My final task as best man is to realise when enough is enough, it has been an honour and a privilege to be the best man today. Thanks again for giving me the job, I honestly couldn't wish for a better friend to be best man for.
I'm sure you are all wondering why I asked Paul to place his hand on top of Di's, well I will tell you now. Paul, I hope you remember these last 5 minutes, because they are the last five minutes you will ever have the upper hand again!
On behalf of the bride and groom I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their special day, particularly those of your who have travelled a long distance.
It gives me immense pleasure (not to mention relief) to ask you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Paul and Di.
To the happiness, health and good fortune of the happy couple; To the bride and groom.
I think it's great Stephen! Excellent mix of humor too
Let us know how it goes.
Let us know how it goes.
Simply awesome... you can make a business out of making these.
Great job on the speech Stephen!
Excellent speech!
And what's with making it a .pdf?
And what's with making it a .pdf?
QUOTE(tomi. @ Aug 30 2005, 07:50 AM)
Excellent speech!
And what's with making it a .pdf?
And what's with making it a .pdf?
because I made it in abiword and didn't think many would be able to read abw files
Great speech!
I do have Acrobat Reader. It must have just been some odd character set.
I do have Acrobat Reader. It must have just been some odd character set.
Looking good Stephen... Good luck
Good luck
QUOTE(Phil Mossop @ Aug 29 2005, 11:11 AM)
Haha
That's the exact example my teacher used when she told us the existed and I said they didn't.
QUOTE(Stephen @ Aug 30 2005, 02:10 AM)
because I made it in abiword and didn't think many would be able to read abw files
abi-what?
Nice speech, I am sure you will get some good laughs.
I especially liked this part:
A real classic.
I especially liked this part:
QUOTE
But seriously, Paul you're a lucky man! You married Di, she's a beautiful, smart, funny, loving and caring woman. She really deserves a great husband, thank god she married you before she found one.
A real classic.
QUOTE(.Logan @ Aug 30 2005, 12:16 AM)
I think it's great Stephen! Excellent mix of humor too
Let us know how it goes.
Let us know how it goes.
It went fantastically, I was absolutely crapping myself and the fact that the brides father & the groom didn't realise they had to make speeches until the day before didn't help matters. Then when I found out his aunt used to be a wedding co-ordinator it just made things worse
I don't actually remember doing the speech (not because of booze before anyone says it
cause I remember the rest of the day) it's all just a blur, all I can remember is standing up. I remember the upper hand joke went down very very well. Sounds like it went down well, several people told me it was the best best man speech they had heard and some asked me for copies of it, so I assume it was well received. Never ever again though
Ah darn... you said the names! And here I was thinking Matt and Debbie tried to get the best of us all here!
ITS A LIE!!!
*cough*
Glad it went well! I can say I wish I could have been here jus t to here that live because I sounded so well! If anyone send a video of it to you...
ITS A LIE!!!
*cough*
Glad it went well! I can say I wish I could have been here jus t to here that live because I sounded so well! If anyone send a video of it to you...
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.