This is something I've had on my mind all day, but I'm not ready to blog about yet. I'd like to get a few views and opinions and I'd like you to be as forthright as you want, and be as honest as you can. It really relates to the UK education system, but if you live anywhere else I'd like to know.

Before I start I want to make clear that the question isn't about whether it would ever be acceptable for a teacher to have a relationship with a student, it's about the role of a teacher and when it stops. How and when should they be able to keep in touch? Can have a teacher have a friendship with a student without it being 'wrong'?

I have three golden principles for teaching that I outlined on my blog today:
* I will treat you, your opinions and your feelings with respect.
* I will listen to you and value what you say.
* I will treat you like an adult as long as you act like an adult.

I strongly believe that the relationship is the key to any successful teacher, and this is where my ideas come in. There is a huge focus on teaching in the UK being about exam results, about league tables and about getting the best 'value added' out of any student. You can how important this is by looking at the fuss being kicked up by the appauling situation regarding out NCTs (they are in fact National Curriculum Tests not SATs as the media keeps saying, many teachers do still refer to them as SATs though). Now I'm not saying that they aren't important, clearly I wouldn't be doing my job if I wasn't ensuring students in my care leave school with a certificate that allows them to progress in life. A C grade GCSE in English is like a passport to the future.

OTOH, we have a huge social problem in this country at the moment. The family unit is in many cases no more. In inner city schools in a class of ~30 you might be lucky to have 4/5 students who have parents who aren't divorced. IMO this is one of the reasons we're seeing a rise in the increase in knife crimes, a rise in the 'yobbish' behaviour that Jaime wrote about earlier today, and short of preventing families from divorcing or selecting couples that are allowed to have children I believe the solution begins in our schools.

At school our moral code was set by our teachers. The teachers we respected and loved we learned from in more ways than one. We picked up morals, we picked up on a way of life and we looked up to them. Now as a teacher I see it as a huge part of my job to ensure I'm doing something similar. I believe I have to help 'kids' become 'adults' and make sure they're the sort of adults we want in our society. I have fantastic relationships with the students I teach, and I believe that in some cases I'm seen as inspirational and I certainly set a high moral code that is achievable and realistic.

So this is where my questions come in... If I come into school with a hangover and I feel like crap, I'll happily admit why I feel crap. I'll also make sure that the students are aware that I don't think it's acceptable to come to school with a hangover, but that sometimes we do something we aren't proud of and regret. I don't pretend nothing has happened, and expect that students should be perfect. Rather then teaching students not to drink (as we so often preach... "You can't drink until you're 18'. How many of us followed that rule?), we should be teaching them to do it sensibly, not hanging around on street corners doing it. We should be teaching them self defense that means if they're scared they don't need to carry a knife with them around the streets.

I've recently left the school I've been training/working in since January. I've forged some good relationships with a group of girls who were in my tutor group (Y9 & Y10, 14-15year old). In one case a girl had been really badly bullied and joined the school in September, I've tried really hard to help her feel integrated. In another case I've just been helping one of them with her homework. I'd say in these cases we're friends, should this be allowed? We keep in touch via email, and it's fairly informal. It's certainly still professional, and I have to try very hard to be professional, as they're girls and I'm male I feel very insecure doing it. However I think it's important that we continue this dialogue as I still feel a responsibility towards them, both personally and professionally. This would apply whether they were male rather than female, it was just a mostly female tutor group! I do have several of the 6th formers on my facebook account, and we keep in touch via that, rather than email.

What do you think about all this? This is still a half-formed, not really sorted out idea. Would really love your thoughts though.

(Just discovered this link on BBC News: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/7518200.stm)

As long as the "relationship" is casual then I don't really see a problem with it!

I finished my exams (A-Levels) back in June and im still in contact with two of my teachers. After our last exam me, a few friends and the two teachers in question went out for few drinks and such as a little "Yay its all over celebration". I would consider both of those teachers to be my friends and im sure they would think the same about me and a few others!

Also, when we were in School (6th Form) I got on very well with them and I found it easier to learn knowing that I get on well with them. It makes the environment your working in a much better and more comfortable place to be, both for the students and the teachers I believe!

Well in general I don't think there's any problem with it. However, since they are of the opposite sex, I would be extremely careful. If they contact you via email, etc... there's no problem responding and being positive. But I wouldn't initiate any further contact after they are no longer in your school by any other means but email, and not very frequently (maybe a checkup every once in a while would be good). You just have to protect yourself and be cautious. Don't want to put yourself in a bad situation...

But that's just my opinion. In general it's good to be as positive and upbuilding as possible. But you have to remember in this day and age,... people are sue happy.

I was a teacher until it became too much of a pain to commute to work.

It's inappropriate for any teacher to go to work with a hangover, let alone discuss this with students.

It's inappropriate for you to communicate with past students in the manner with which you've been doing. That includes email, facebook, telephone, etc. You're not their teacher any more, you're no longer responsible for them. If you genuinely want to help the students, then I applaud you, but I feel as though it's inappropriate for you to be in contact with these young girls. If you want to work with younger people, become a mentor or a Big Brother to boys, and stick to the guidelines with respect to how you should communicate with them.

I don't want to prejudge you, but if I'm not mistaken, you were the guy that always used pictures of teenage girls as your avatar (Olsen twins, etc). I don't want to be cynical, but your interest in these young girls is thus questionable. But avatar aside, I don't think a grown man has any business communicating with underage girls (professionally or personally) via email, Myspace, Facebook, etc unless they're friends of your family or something.

Uhh, Dan is nearly the same age as Mary-Kate and Ashley (a quick profile check shows him 9 months older). It's not like he's some creepy old man. Last time I checked, an attraction to someone your same age or a year younger wasn't that out of the ordinary. Seems to be quite common in the West, in fact.

I think the people here are younger than that. And I agree it's certainly a tough situation. I don't know how freaked out people get in the UK, but here, parents would probably freak these days if they saw someone your age taking an active interest in someone younger. Especially if they used to be their teacher.

I also applaud for trying to teach them something rather than the "no, no, no" we often see too often these days. However, for things like a hangover, I might keep that under the lid. I can appreciate honesty, but if parents get wind that a teacher is coming to school possibly unprepared to face the day, they could complain, and it could get you in trouble.

As for the relationships, I also agree that contact is not bad, in moderation. Especially if someone would like help. However, I probably wouldn't maintain much more of a personal relationship, unless you know their parents or something. That's with younger kids, however. Older ones are a different story. 16, 17, etc. That's more when kids know right and wrong more often than not and it'd probably be easier to maintain something of a personal relationship without parents freaking. Still be aware of your surroundings, though.

I had a pretty good relationship with one of my teachers (though he was male) in the later years of high school, and he remains one of my favorite teachers to this day.

Um, from a male friend I know who is studying to be a teacher, he always gets advice like: Never be in a room alone with a female student and if you tutor a female student, make sure there are other people in the room. In the US, a male teacher cannot have any relationship with any female student. Period. Anything you say can be used against you when male.

I think along as it is a professional relationship you'll be fine with sixth formers, but with the younger students you'd be walking a fine line, all it would take is one hypersensitive parent and you're screwed. If they just email you asking for advice I think you're fine to answer, either directly or advising them who best to speak to, but if it is just for a chat or the catch-up that is where things are going to get difficult.

I think it is sad state of affairs that in this country (and even more so in the US from the sounds of DXLs response) any male showing an interest in younger females is automatically assumed to be up to no good.

Yea as I said earlier I had (still have) a good casual relationship with two of my sixth form teachers. As do a few other friends of mine. I also think that knowing I got along with them well helped me when I was being taught by them, its a more relaxed environment in my opinion.

I think it is quite the norm for students to be friendly with teachers in the manner you are speaking. Before I left secondary school I used to regularly spend 10 or 20 minutes talking to teachers, current or from a few years previous, male and female at lunchtimes, sometimes alone, sometimes with a couple of my friends too in their classrooms - nobody thought anything of it.
I can see a parent freaking if it was a female student / male teacher and this was happening every day, but to be honest, it sounds like you know where the boundaries should lie Dan. I don't think there is an issue.

i've had teachers i've fancied before, was it inappropriate? nah they were fit .

i guess it depends on the person some people can be really flirty by nature and if they socialise with a student it can come off as wrong while some people can be just nice and can build up relationships with students this is especially good for troubled students as they can sometimes be left out and have a hard time making friends and therefore a bit more attention can encourage them at school. The line is quite thin but i wouldn't say a totally detached teacher is a good teacher.

Personally I think it is the same for all professions.... doctors, lawyers, teachers etc. should never for any reason enter into a relationship with a client or student.
The boundaries must be kept strictly professional and it is only after that professional relationship has ended that anything personal should ever develop.

In a lot of professions you can lose your license if you have any personal relationship with clients and I think that boundary was put there for good reason.

With students the line becomes even more important because the teacher is such an important part of a students life. It will never be OK for a teacher to get involved in a personal relationship with a student, because it can compromise the trust issue between teacher, parents and future students. Even a platonic relationship where the teacher gets involved in the personal life of a student should be done in a professional manner with everything logged and documented.

Casual contact with a teacher once the student graduates would be considered ok but only if the teacher is done with that student. If the student is only done for the year and the teacher goes out to celebrate with the student then the next year could be compromised and the professional respect could be lost.

Mind you all of this is just my opinion and is not meant to argue with anyone else.

Someone mentioned a good point before, which is that you should never be alone in a classroom with a student (if the door is open, that's a decent exception). Even if you're no longer teaching, it's simply not worth having to explain yourself as far as why you're communicating with young girls, it's not worth the legal headache if someone misinterprets things.

The other thing that no one else has mentioned is that it's not healthy in that young girls are very impressionable. It's easy for them to develop what they think are "feelings" for a relatively young man, and it does a little too much for their self esteem that a young man is taking an interest in them for whatever reason. It's not going to look good to a parent when they find "I love Dan" scribbled all over their preteen daughter's notebook, especially once they realize that you're their facebook friend or have emailed them before. It's not even worth opening up that can of worms, especially from an ethical standpoint.

My advice, don't interact with girls under 18 for any reason. You want to work with young people, join the Big Brother program. Not saying you were going to do anything with them, but I really don't think you want to end up in prison because of something that started out harmless.

I think Dan possibly grew up in a school with a less strict atmosphere than where I did - certainly the odd 'strange' relationship between a teacher and a student was ignored for as long as possible to help keep the reputation spick and span! However, I've now left school and am emailing most of my (ex-) teachers on a fairly regular basis - because once you hit sixth form and teachers start treating you like adults it's very easy just to form almost friendships with them - because most of the time, students are mature enough to know there's no harm in it. With the odd exception, but if you spent all your life worrying you'd never manage anything...

Certainly when I was 14 or 15 I was very close to some of the teachers, because they're some of the only positive role models available outside your own family at that age. However, there were also closely defined boundary lines - I'd never really have thought about emailing them outside school (at least any member of staff that taught me directly.) One of my old teachers who I used to speak to about this sort of thing commented that once you'd left a school there was nothing wrong with keeping in contact (in any form) with someone you used to teach, but the age concern would be viewed much the same - if you're a certain age, and you're talking to a 14 or 15 year old - as in any other part of society... which is, to say, negatively. At 16, not so much a problem. At 17 or 18, if you're not teaching them, I'd say it's not a problem at all. If you are, it needs to stay as professional and normal as possible lest you be accused as a teacher of favouritism.

It's a real shame, because some of the best relationships I've had have been with my teachers (and at the rate they're going they'll be some of my best friendships, and worth maintaining now I've left) - but there are always clearly defined boundaries with a teacher-student relationship, and I have to feel it's worth erring on the side of caution more often than not. I've seen both sides, and it's not worth losing your career just because you were trying to help someone you have a responsibility for.